If you can't beat them....

I personally think this is hilarious. You realize even more how true thsi is when you are truly watching from the outside in.

Click here to Laugh at the expense of 1/2 your friends.

Homemade theme park fun!!!

This has got to be about as close to flying as one can get. I am pretty sure she had to change her pants after this. You knwo they got all the stuff to make this bad boy with at Home Depot, so you have to feel sorry for the unfortunate person that this $8 bungee cord finally breaks on. Hell of a way to die, that's for sure.

Shaa...What!!!

I think this link pretty much speaks for itself.
This is no joke either. Apparently they were founded 3 years before "Along Came Polly" popularized the term (if you can really say it was "popularized"), but it is still unfortunate. How would you feel if you had a company with a "cute" name and then 3 years later you are known as the shit fart clothing company.......man, not good. Probably doesn't help much when the "S" logo kind of looks like a dog turd.

Click to see some Schaart!!!

More bible fun.....

When you think about the bible as just any other book, it sure does make for awesome fantasy fiction.

Velociraptors are among us!!

Apparently the world has been infiltrated by Velociraptors. Did you knwo that Velociraptor attack is the 3rd leading cause of death for men ages 27-29?? You may have one living next to you and not even know it!!!
Learn how to protect yourself from Velociraptors.

Bread....the silent Killer

I found this online and would love to know at whom or at what this sarcasm was pointed?



!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

Not Happy with Verizon

I wonder what they did to piss this guy off?
Ya think it was cashed? Do you think he even really sent it in?
And is it even a real number since pi is an infinite?

Spit in my Urinal will ya.....

I keep meaning to pose this question that keeps running through my mind.
Okay, not like I am obsessing over it, but since I drink nearly a gallon of water a day I spend a lot of time in the bathroom.
I do not understand why the majority of guys all spit before in the toilet/urinal before they pee??? Why do the majority of guys do this? Can they not begin the flow without spitting first? Kind of like how the sound of running water can make people need to pee, does spitting make your little guy work better? It must be the sound of splashing toilet water!! Yeah, that's it....it's gotta be....

Mystery solved....the sound of spit hitting toilet water stimulates guys to pee.

High School Prom

Funny thing is....no one else got to see these outfits; they were totally hidden.

Best Kung Fu fight ever!!! Hands Down!!! Period!!! and many other words with exclamations after them

Ran across this today and just had to share it.
Not for the squeamish though, so be warned.


The Ultimate Fight - video powered by Metacafe

Great iPhone Commercial

Seriously, if everything is done via a touch screen, then what happens when it is up to your ear while you are talking? Is there a section in the instruction manual that instructs you to hold the phone at least 5 cm from your ear when talking? haha......

Funny...you don't look Italian

Hmmmm.........maybe they were raised in Italy??

Following the 'Couv

For all you Couv fans.
get a new perspective through a fans eyes of the Canucks Eastern roadtrip.
You'll laugh, you'll cry, maybe you'll learn some french.

Canucks Week Blog

Porno Turtle

These were just way too good not to share.
I was at Chapters yesterday looking for a book and they had this little turtle propped up on the counter.
Yeah it's his tail but it sure looks like his wang to me.




Hope this brings smile to your day.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year World!!!
May 2007 bring you one step closer to true happiness.

A random thought

Hmmmmm....another homeless post.
I am just fascinated by homelessness I guess.
Being here in Vancouver you see it endlessly, maybe that I why it is always on my mind.
I actually have an idea for a homeless blog that I will probably start one day. Another little project of mine.
Anyways......

I just read this morning about another squat that the homeless and homeless advocates are doing at the Premier's office and I couldn't help but think......
These people can go sit on their asses for days straight in all of these old buildings and on sidewalks in protest of the government not providing housing for them in one of the most desirable cities to live in in the world.......when they could very easily go out and get jobs where they only have to work for 8 hours a day and could afford to rent their own place to live rather than relying on the government. Where is the sense in this?? I could very easily insert a comment here about only wanting handouts and not wanting to actually work for a living....but I won't. ;)

Happy Holidays everyone.

Starbucks thought.....

So as I am waiting for my coffee this morning (okay, it was a tall triple americano, but that is a rant for another day) and just observing the other 15 people standing around waiting for their drinks, I noticed someone almost grab the wrong drink about 5 times, have to ask the barista stupid questions probably 9 times and someone walk off with someone else's drink twice.
It is surprising, considering how many options there are, that so many people all order the same thing, sometimes in different sizes (but even that appears to confuse people). It turns into one big cluster-fuck of confusion near that pick-up counter.

Here is a unique thought, how about if the cashier asks for your name and writes that on the cup along with what you ordered?? The barista then simply calls out your name when it is ready, rather than "Grande double shot low fat caramel decaf triple steamed 174 degree latte", then you don't get confused with the person that ordered the "Grande double shot low fat maple decaf double steam 180 degree latte"

Novel Idea I know.

Cheers,

Signs of the times......

Sometimes you see things that just make you say WTF!?!?!?!

These signs were posted on bus stops all around Vancouver. Here is the list of why it is so awesome:
- They were even lit to be easily visible at night. (Get your salad tossing message across 24 hours a day!!)
- Not just tossing salads but tossing balls as well.......that's a new one to me.
- You can actually reduce your risk of getting cancer by tossing a salad.....what about someone tossing your salad though?

I keep wondering if this advertising genius still has a job.

Where to Live when you have no Home....

I am travelling for business this week and I was approached in the parking lot of my hotel my a homeless person who needed exactly $11.54 in order to get back home. (This exact amount of change is definitely an entirely different blog entry in itself...an entry in the "Idiots guide to being a street person" I am pretty sure)
Okay come back now.....turn the thermostat down a bit. I am not calling people without jobs and homes idiots by any means, many of them are brilliant, but I am sure that there is an unwritten handguide to being homeless out there somewhere. No matter where you go they all use the same little tricks and stories. I figured they all have to be written down somewhere in an "Idiots guide".
So now that I have clarified that I am "down with the homeless", the point of this entry was actually to talk about one thing that completely bewilders me.

After I was approached by the $11.54 guy (by the way, the guy with me reminded the exact change guy that he used that same story on hims 2 months ago in another parking lot and the guy said that he has been stranded for exactly 42 days and looking for that exact amount of change for that long :)) You gotta love how quickly they pull this stuff out of their hats. Anyway.........sheesh.

So we were talking and both of us were totally stumped as to whyanyone that is homeless would be in Vernon BC, let alone anywhere in Canada really. We both decided that if we were homeless we would head straight for Florida, Southern California or maybe even Arizona. Why would you want to be homeless anywhere that it snows at all?? Some of you might say...well not everyone likes the sun and warmth, some people love the snow, love to ski and sled, etc etc.......Yeah well we are talking about homeless people here. There is no skiing, no sledding, there is only surviving. I am sure some of them might love the snow, but do you think anyone likes sleeping in it on the street??

I am sure that some people reading this might think....."You idiot!! how are they supposed to travel?? How do Canadian homeless cross borders. Maybe they do not want to leave their hometowns." Well believe it or not, I am not one of these high and mighty "Damn homeless people"....uh..people. In all my interactions with homeless in different cities I have noticed that the majority of them all came from somewhere else. They are not native to the area they "live". You may also say, "how are they supposed to get into the states without a work permit?" That question sort of answers itself dont you think? WORK Permit. I know it sounds shitty of me, but not many of these people are actively looking for jobs in silicon valley and most the "jobs" they do stumble into don't exactly require a work permit. So my question is this.....

Why stop in places like Vernon, Vancouver (yes it is one of the only cities in Canada where it does not snow, but it gets COLD and WET WET WET) San Francisco (huge homeless population), Salt Lake City, Minnesota........Seriously. They all got to these places somehow, why not keep going and make it to Arizona or Florida??
Maybe it is just me, but if I am living on the streets I do not want the chance of freezing to death thrown into the equation.

So since I have surely pissed off some homeless advocates.
Let me clarify that I just do not understand why people that are professional homeless people, beggars and such, would want to be living on the streets in the snow and cold.

Keep it chilly....

Over a Year I know.....

so it has been over a year since I created this blog and I haven't used it at all.
I've got all kinds of thoughts I keep saying that I want to put out there into cyberspace for no one to read, but when it comes to sitting down and writing them all down....I tell you what....They never seem to make it onto this thing, as is very evident by the blank pages.

Here is the next great invention to take the internet/blogging world by storm.....if you really want to know what people think about, really catch their random ass thoughts and probably have a good laugh every now and then...someone needs to invent one of those personal recorders that actually has bluetooth or a wireless connection and speech recognition software. You say what you want to say, get it all out there right when you are thinking it and then upload those thoughts straight to your blog. No need to type a damn thing!! This type of contraption would either flop or sell like gosh darn hot cakes. (The selling of hot cakes is a story for another time by the way). Better yet.....cellphones that have this functionality. Hmmmm.....I think I need to patent this idea. You can do that these days you know.....Patent an idea...a really really general idea at that. There are law firms that sit around all day thinking of ideas to patent that they just wait for someone else to invent and then they sue them for everything they are worth. Ahhhhh......the American judicial system....good times.

So back to my great idea.....I suppose one of my 2 readers will stumble across this idea, leak it to Nokia or Motorola who will then team with Google and make this a reality before I can patent the idea and then I'll be sitting there in 20 years telling my kids how I got screwed by the big boys, but they won't even be paying attention because they'll be talking into their phones creating a new blog to upload rather than listening to dear old dad.

Next time......
Why are there large populations of homeless people in every single city in North America??